Snakes and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

OH my Sweet Carolina. How are you today?? You know, there is a lot on my mind concerning the world. How my kids are going to grow up, 10 years from now, who the President might be, what my Church will be. All interesting statements to say the least I guess. Who really cares? Who really knows? What kind of person will I be, my wife be, my friend(s) be? I am sorry to be so dramatic, but it kinda puzzles me.

In this world, money consumes and power and position reign. Freedom to me, in the American sense, is so tired. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy living here. It could be much harder and difficult in other countries, but I have bought into the comfortable life for way too long I believe. It shames me that some "Christians" claim that God has called ALL Christians to be blessed (monetarily) more so than anyone on Earth. If that is so, why are their millions of Christians who live in poverty in third world who seek God for more than just blessing their finances, but blessing their lives in their poverty of spirit, money, and community. They are going after God 4-5 hours a day before the sun comes up, underground, with no air condition, no lunch date at La Hacienda or (insert restaurant)afterwards, no hope for anything but to worship God and bring Him glory. There is no agenda on their mind to be the first in their Church but only to come and worship God. They do this at risk of persecution. They are not toting some, "God wants you to be happy, or, God wants you to be filthy rich so you can bless others." They are saying, here I am, do with me what you will, I will follow you at ANY cost.

I am the first to admit, I am a sinner. I am just as guilty as anyone to not really want to go and worship on some days. But I am changing. I am desiring more and more to take advantage of my "freedom" in America and worshiping when and where I want. It is important to do so. I owe it to them to pray with them.

I am tired of people thinking so highly of me. I am made of snakes, snails and puppy dog tails. "Oh Ben is such a good guy. He is so good." I am not good lest anyone be deceived. I don't try to be good, I just try to reflect what God has put in me. I should live a more transparent life and I am trying to. I don't try to be "bad" but I want everyone to know, I do stupid shit sometimes. I have been forgiven by the blood of Christ, but I still do the wrong thing sometimes. It is only by God's grace that I haven't lost everything.

The point in all of this is to say that, I don't want to make much of myself ever. I want to exalt the most high King Always. I don't always do that, but through His sanctifying process, He is changing me. I want to do the most good here as I can on Earth, but I do NOT want recognition for it. I do not believe the amount of MONEY I make determines HOW much good I do. It is a tool, and so am I if I believe it is the source and power of my life. SO what I am trying to say is, I want you all to know I am human. I make mistakes. I ask you for forgiveness and I ask my Father. I am living a life of repentance and I am desiring to continually change. I hope you all still love me, but if not, HE does. And that is all that matters!

Peace and Grace.