Putting Yourself on the Shelf

It is a bad feeling for some when you don't know where you are going. When you don't know what is around the next turn in life. Mine is constantly changing. It ebbs and flows like a weather map on the local news. One minute it's up and flowing, the next it seems like I am stuck in a tar pit. I think I am too hard on myself about things. Like Paul, "the things I want to do (or should do) I don't, and the things I do (mostly I shouldn't)."

But my dilema is when I try sometimes to do the things I should do. The things I am lead to do by the Spirit of God. When I try, sometimes, there is an oppose able force which is expected I guess. So I either get so upset with myself or others that I quit. Or at least put it off. I go out of my way sometimes to live the life that God has intended to me, but sometimes I guess I try too hard on my own strength to do it. I have learned there is a Gospel of glory and a Gospel of the Cross distinction that we can choose to believe in. I learned this in the book by Mark Driscoll entitled: Death By Love. It is a clear picture of the way the Christian faith should be lived out. In the Gospel of Glory, we try to do things in a way that we have control and can take credit for anything that happens. Yea we can put the ol' "I just had faith in God" tag on it, but could have been totally self reliant in the process. I believe now more than ever that my faith in God is totally surrendering EVERYTHING to Him in EVERY situation. He has taught me that nothing I do or try to do is going to be accomplished by my own strength and effort. HE is the only power that can give me the strength or the means to do anything. Anything out of that realm is self sufficiency. God wants us to have total dependence on Him alone. He wants our hearts, our minds, and our Worship to be on Him alone. Everything else is meaningless. As Paul said: "To live is Christ, and to Die is Gain."

So as I ask God to teach me to walk DAILY in humility, to totally trust in His power and that I cannot accomplish His will on my own, I hope that it spills over into others lives. I hope I don't waste my life on trying to be and do everything on my own strength. In doing so, I hope that what God wants me to be and how God wants me to live will just happen, without opposition and without ME getting in the way of HIM.